"Uh, Dad, do you have time to talk to me?" Andy asked when Mark came in the kitchen.
"Sure," Mark agreed easily. "Shoot." as he sat down and motioned Andy to do the same.
"Oh, you mean start talking," Andy fumbled his response. "Well, it's me and Judy, I don't know what to say, do or plan, that will make her happy. She's just after me all day long and half the night, always with the sharp word, or blah, blah, blah." Andy threw his hand up in frustration. "She has changed so much, I catch myself looking at her like she's a stranger, with the name of the woman I married."
"Andy, what Judy is attempting to do is a form of abuse. It would be the same thing if you were doing that to her. To put it in tight words, she is extracting justice from you for putting her through the turmoil of your breakup. In more tight words, you didn't start out marriage on an equal basis to form a lasting relationship. Didn't you have to agree to a lot of different conditions before Judy would say she would marry you?"
"Yeah, but I never thought she actually meant them. I agreed because she wanted me to." Andy stared out at the occasional snowflake swirling around the window pane. "Geeze, she had so many of them, I can't even remember all of them. But she sure can."
"You are going to have to go back and re-negotiate the beginning of your marriage. Write down your goals, write down the goals you want the both of you to accomplish together, write down her goals. I wouldn't be surprised that you both have many of them in common. I want you to read your bible concerning the proper place for the man and the woman in a marriage. Part of Judy's problem is that she is running over you and she feels no respect for you.." Mark said quietly.
"Oh," Andy fiddled with the coffee mug handle. "But she has good ideas," he sighed. "I want her to walk and talk and plan with me, you know, like you and Ma do."
"Then you need to reclaim your status as an equal partner. It's a give and take, and I make it sound like it's always 50-50, but it never is. There is always an imbalance, a 60-40, a 70-30, and it swings back and forth. It's not a hard and fast rule, a line drawn in the sand; however," Mark looked soberly at Andy, "there has to be a final decision maker, and that's the job God gave to the husband."
"Oh, does she ever get to have the majority?"
"Yes, in the short answer. If her logic and reasoning is the correct answer to the situtation, then a wise man weighs those facts and acknowledges that she has made the correct decision. If you both make your decisions through prayer and sound biblical reasoning, then as you follow God's plan for marriage, you have harmony."
"oh,"
"That's why God made a marriage between a man and a woman. Both of you will approach the same problem differently, and neither of you is totally wrong,...or right." Mark concluded.
"Oh, crimminey. How's a guy supposed to know where he stands in all these problems?" Andy moaned. "I'm gonna tell Donny to never get married, for sure."
"Andy, how long has it been since you have seen or talked to Donny?" Mark questioned sharply.
"A while," Andy replied sheepishly. "Why? is he in trouble or something?"
"Not yet," Mark said cryptically. "It wouldn't hurt if you went to visit him, he's down in the place that he claimed as his farm. It wouldn't hurt if you took Judy along to visit, it would do the both of you good."
"Yeah, I might just do that. I also might have to go alone, Judy was pretty hot when I left the house. This is happening on account that we are pretty young, isn't it?" Andy tried to sound adult and wise.
"Yes." Mark was definite. "But you both stood up before God and gave your word that marriage between you, was what you wanted. Now you have to work at making it work."
"Thanks Dad, I knew you could set me straight." Andy leaned over the table to shake Mark's hand and seemed almost surprised that a couple of cookies jumped into his grip as he straightened up.
"Ma's are still the best, but I never let on to Judy that sometimes her cookies are terrible."
Andy grinned at Mark as he put his coat on and went for the door. Mark grinned back. "Now see," he spoke softly, "that was one of the criteria I had for marrying Ma, she had to make fantastic cookies." and Mark bit into a cookie and waved goodbye to Andy. Mark wanted that cookie eating machine out of the house before he decided he needed more cookies. That young man had a wife that could make him his own treats.
Andy had barely closed the back door before Clora came breezing into the kitchen and stopped to plant a kiss on the top of Mark's head. "He didn't want any cookies?" she teased.
"I didn't want him to have any, Mark firmly put his arm around his wife. "He can get his own wife to make him cookies, and darn well stay out of mine."
Clora laughed with a fond smile.