phoenician
Contributing Member
For those of you that may not have gotten this at one time or another------ 
Abbott & Costello vs. Computers
>
>
> Here's some fellows you may recall . . .
> Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's infamous sketch "Who's on first?" might
> have turned out something like this:
>
> COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT .
>
> ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
>
> COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
> about buying a computer.
>
> ABBOTT: Mac?
>
> COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
>
> ABBOTT: Your computer?
>
> COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
>
> ABBOTT: Mac?
>
> COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
>
> ABBOTT: What about Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
>
> ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
>
> ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
>
> COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
>
> ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
> proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
>
>
> ABBOTT: Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
>
> ABBOTT: I just did.
>
> COSTELLO: You just did what?
>
> ABBOTT: Recommend something.
>
> COSTELLO: You recommended something?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes.
>
> COSTELLO: For my office?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes.
>
> COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
>
> ABBOTT: Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
>
> ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say
> I'm
>
> sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
>
>
> ABBOTT: Word.
>
> COSTELLO: What word?
>
> ABBOTT: Word in Office.
>
> COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
>
> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
>
> ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
>
> COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with
> some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the
> Internet?
>
>
> ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
>
> COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of
> your business. Just tell me what I need!
>
> ABBOTT: Real One.
>
> COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I
> watch them?
>
> ABBOTT: Of course.
>
> COSTELLO: Great! With what?
>
> ABBOTT: Real One.
>
> COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do
> I do?
>
> ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
>
> COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
>
> ABBOTT: The blue "1".
>
> COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
>
> ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
>
> COSTELLO: What word?
>
> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
>
> ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
>
> COSTELLO: It is?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It
> pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
>
>
> COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
>
> ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part
> of Office.
>
> COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial
> bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
>
> ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
>
> COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
>
> COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
>
> ABBOTT: One copy.
>
> COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
>
> ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
>
> COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
>
> ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
>
> A FEW DAYS LATER . . .
>
> ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
>
> COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
>
> ABBOTT: Click on "START"..........
Abbott & Costello vs. Computers
>
>
> Here's some fellows you may recall . . .
> Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's infamous sketch "Who's on first?" might
> have turned out something like this:
>
> COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT .
>
> ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
>
> COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
> about buying a computer.
>
> ABBOTT: Mac?
>
> COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
>
> ABBOTT: Your computer?
>
> COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
>
> ABBOTT: Mac?
>
> COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
>
> ABBOTT: What about Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
>
> ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
>
> ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
>
> COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
>
> ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
> proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
>
>
> ABBOTT: Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
>
> ABBOTT: I just did.
>
> COSTELLO: You just did what?
>
> ABBOTT: Recommend something.
>
> COSTELLO: You recommended something?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes.
>
> COSTELLO: For my office?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes.
>
> COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
>
> ABBOTT: Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
>
> ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say
> I'm
>
> sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
>
>
> ABBOTT: Word.
>
> COSTELLO: What word?
>
> ABBOTT: Word in Office.
>
> COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
>
> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
>
> ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
>
> COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with
> some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the
> Internet?
>
>
> ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
>
> COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of
> your business. Just tell me what I need!
>
> ABBOTT: Real One.
>
> COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I
> watch them?
>
> ABBOTT: Of course.
>
> COSTELLO: Great! With what?
>
> ABBOTT: Real One.
>
> COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do
> I do?
>
> ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
>
> COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
>
> ABBOTT: The blue "1".
>
> COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
>
> ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
>
> COSTELLO: What word?
>
> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
>
> ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
>
> COSTELLO: It is?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It
> pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
>
>
> COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
>
> ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part
> of Office.
>
> COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial
> bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
>
> ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
>
> COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
>
> COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
>
> ABBOTT: One copy.
>
> COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
>
> ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
>
> COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
>
> ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
>
> A FEW DAYS LATER . . .
>
> ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
>
> COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
>
> ABBOTT: Click on "START"..........
