Black Seal - Leader of the Universe

Plantlady

Plantlady

Inactive
For those who missed it on the Test Board, Black Seal has declared himself Leader of the Universe. The news was so important that I thought it should be reported over here. :D
So here goes:

Originally posted by Black Seal:

REUTERS - In astonishing news today Black Seal was appointed leader of the universe. All Earthly and other world leaders will surrender control of their governments in a formal ceremony this afternoon. Black Seal is quoted as stating:


quote:
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"Pretty much everything will remain the same. Really the only difference is that as my first act I will be ordering the elimination of all water in the universe to be substituted with beer. After that, everything should be fine. Also, American football will be renamed to "soccer" since they have no real soccer teams anyhow and this will elminate further future confusion when the rest of the universe discusses proper football with Americans."
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Posted by Maiden:

Go! Go! Black Seal! Leader of the Universe! I bow to you!


Response by Black Seal:

I dont want groveling Maiden... Only beer, money, gifts, recongnition, and McDonalds will be accepted...

Maiden:

Black Seal, anything you say, Oh High One! I am here to serve.

Saddam H. posted:

bah! I am leader of the universe! not you! me! only me!

You do present some interesting ideas however. I will have to consider them...

The Pukester's contribution:

Oh benevolent one,

Could you please get them to pick up my garbage twice a week instead of once, thanks.

Next up, the newz....
 
Plantlady

Plantlady

Inactive
BREAKING AP - Today in a bizarre and unpresidented move, Bermuda was declared capital of the universe by a self-proclaimed leader who calls himself Black Seal. Saddam Hussein, George Bush and others who covet such a position are furious and have vowed to "bomb Bermuda into oblivion". Press conferences are being planned within hours to discuss their positions.

To further complicate matters, Galactic Federation spokesperson Nancy Leder has gone on record stating that the Federation will be watching this situation carefully to determine if extraterrestrial intervention will be necessary.

When questioned about the possible destruction of the universe capital, Black Seal replied, "Hey, I'm bombed already. What's a few fireworks gonna matter?"

Stayed tuned for further developments.
 
Plantlady

Plantlady

Inactive
More newz:

DRUDGE REPORT Anonymous sources are telling Matt Drudge that they have witnessed the coronation of Black Seal as Leader of the Universe.

One witness stated, "The ceremony was bizarre. He insisted on having a computer with the internet on in front of him so that his followers on a cultish doomer site called Timebomb2000 could share in the ritual. How he thought they could 'see' him, I swear I don't know."

Another witness who calls herself "Maiden" declared, "If anyone deserves to be Leader of the Universe, it is CERTAINLY Black Seal! Black Seal promised that his first order of business would be to raise Maiden's Timebomb posting number to 50,000 so she wouldn't have any competition for the top posting spot.

Plans by jealous world leaders to bomb Bermuda, the new capitol of the universe, are pending and other anonymous sources are warning that Black Seal had better get ready to deal with it.

"What, me worry?" stated Black Seal. "They haven't seen what I can do with a bottle of rum and Black Seal Pirate Radio."

According to one witness, Black Seal Pirate Radio is now the official universal government channel. The Drudge Report is not sure whose mumblings are heard in between musical selections, but unofficial sources believe it is Black Seal himself.

More developing...

:D
 
Plantlady

Plantlady

Inactive
CNN breaking report -

President Bush has announced a blockade of the island of Bermuda. In a press conference this morning, Donald Rumsfeld stated the following:

"According to intelligence reports, Black Seal, the self-proclaimed leader of the universe has developed a weapon of mass destruction. We will not tolerate this. We are taking steps to prevent him from using such weapons. Apparently the weapon is called 'Timebomb2000'. We are not familiar with this device, but feel that prompt response is the appropriate action."

President Bush stated, "We is not going to tolerate that. An island is a terrible thing to waste, even by the leader of the universe or president of the world or whatever." He then coughed up another piece of pretzel as Vice President Dick Cheney watched in anticipation.

Unconfirmed rumors of the round up and detention of Black Seal followers have been circulating throughout the galaxy. So far this morning, Leader Black Seal has been unavailable for comment.

Stay tuned to CNN for further news on this most important situation.
 
Plantlady

Plantlady

Inactive
FOX NEWS SPECIAL REPORT

Tensions appear to be mounting as President Bush meets with his advisors to decide whether to bomb Bermuda. Donald Rumsfeld appears incoherent and Dick Cheney is smiling with glee. When questioned about whether they will bomb or not, President Bush opened his mouth to speak and just as quickly, Vice President Cheney's hand went over it. "Let's just say we are taking it under advisement," stated Cheney.

Black Seal met with reporters on the island of Bermuda to issue the following statement:



quote:
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Let government leaders be aware that the influence of Timebomb2000 is everywhere. I am appointing Dennis Olsen as secretary of the universal army and we will be mobilizing our widespread forces immediately. Armed with computers and massive knowledge and activism, we are a force to be reaconed with.
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He took a swig of rum, smiled and waved for the cameras and adjusted his pirate bandana and wished everyone a nice day.

World leaders are confused and wide discussions and debates continue to dominate the halls of capital buildings. They are concerned about the impact of TB2K on Planet Earth and throughout the universe.

Black Seal flips a switch and turns on Black Seal Pirate Radio. "Idjits!" shouts Black Seal over the airwaves. "It's a weapon of mass communication!"

Now worldwide leaders are REALLY confused.


:lol:
 
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