Clean jokes

[booger]

Am I capable?? *Gasp*

What do giraffes have that no other animal has?
Baby giraffes.

Two cows were in a field. One cow says, "Mooooo." The other says, "Jerk. I was going to say that."

Where do mentally unstable trees go?
The insane a-xylem.

Did you hear about the burned down tree?
It was ash.

Did you hear about the loud tree? It had a lot of bark. It gave another tree a splitting headache. So it took some aspen.

What's Mary short for?
She's got no legs.

A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint?
Both crews were marooned.

Why do businessmen carry umbrellas?
Because umbrellas can't walk.

What's big, red, and eats rocks?
A big red rock eater.

 

[booger]

More stupid, err, I mean, clean jokes:

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
Damn!

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, whack, damn. a bad skydiver goes damn, whack.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
Half way.

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A man telephones his office and says, "Sorry, I can't come into work today, I'm sick."
"How sick are you ?" asks his boss.
"Well," he replies, "I'm in bed with my sister."

)Okay, so that last one wasn't entirely squeaky clean...)