Family members who won't take care of themselves

[dieseltrooper]

Why is it so hard for some people to care for themselves? I've got one with ongoing lung crud,anemia,insomnia,borderline hypertension, and endometriosis. It causes me mucho worry since she has no health insurance and is so bad about self-care. Drinks 2ltrs a day Dr Pepper,but maybe 1 glass of water. Diet? Sometimes has no appetite and just nibbles on junk. Smokes (not tobacco) to treat the insomnia and endometriosis pain. Damn! I lost my grandmother to emphysema. She kept smoking even after she was on O2.
Oh well, just a rant due to frustration.

 

[cin]

Yep, I hear ya.

My mother has either schizophrenia or bipolar, and has let her health (and teeth) go so far that when I look at her I don't even recognize her as my mother anymore. It makes me sad and angry, because yknow I still need my mother, and my kids still need a grandmother. She had some medication prescribed, but she won't take it, probably because of her paranoia. {sigh}

I forgot to mention that my mom smokes and drinks coffee all day long. I don't think she even eats during the day. (by choice)

 

[yellowsprings]

I also have a DD like that (never takes care of herself) but it seems that the one who does takes care of herself has had the problems recently. Her hospital emergency room and outpatient bills just came in the mail. So far it is $17,000 and that is only the hospital services for having her kidney stones removed (at age 20). Can't wait to see the rest of the bills. Luckily she is a full time college student and is covered under our insurance.

The other DD (22) who does not take care of herself currently has a broken hand. Since she has moved out at age 18, she has had a broken foot, two concussions, two broken ear drums, numerous medical problems and several bouts of the crud. These are just the things that I know of. She will not drink anything hardly at all. I really do not know how her body functions. Last night she called at midnight to wish me happy new year and was so drunk ... ... alcohol is something she will drink. Luckily little sis was there to keep an eye on her.

I have found that there is nothing I can say or do as her mother to keep her from doing stupid crazy things. All I can do is sit back and hope she doesn't do anything too stupid and hope that maybe I will not hear about it. All I can do is keep loving her ... Keep your chin up Dieseltrooper, hopefully they will grow out of it!

 

[Beetree]

The Holiday Season is..

The Holiday season is difficult for some reason for a lot of folks. Alcohol plays a big roll. Alcohol is a VERY dangerous substance. So many are not educated on the dangers and symptoms of the progressive disease. It is progressive with blackouts taking people by surprise, causing falls (concussions..Yellowsprings?) and accidents. The possibility of these things just by drinking is scary as hell. But most drinkers are unaware that the same amount of drinks can do different things as the disease progresses. Until that is they wake up with a concussion, or worse. There needs to be more education in middle school on up about this.
But I had a close relative that everyone in the family worried themselves' sick of for 50 years and he ended up dying with a busted appendix. All those years of us stressing and the stuff he was doing did not even kill him. Probably took a few years off of our lives though!
Diesel, Yel.Sprg. and Cin ya just have to keep on loving. Everyone is trying to reach an unreachable star.. From poem below by Helen Steiner Rice.

NEW YEAR PRAYER

God grant us this year a wider view so we see others' faults through the eyes of you.
Teach us to judge not with hasty tongue, neither the adult nor the young.
Give us patience and grace to endure and a stronger faith so we feel secure.
Instead of remembering, help us forget the irritations that caused us to fret. Freely forgiving for some offense and finding each day a rich recompense.
In offering a friendly helping hand and trying in all ways to understand; That all of us who ever we are..are trying to reach an unreachable star. For the great and the small..the good and the bad..the young and old..the sad and glad are asking today; Is life worth living?
The answer is only in loving and giving. For only LOVE can make man kind. And kindness of heart brings peace of mind. By giving love we can start this year to lift the clouds of hate and fear.

 

[Beetree]

I should have said..

When I wrote of the relative we worried about ..I should have said "everybody worried themselves sick about", instead of "sick of". But he is in heaven now and he lived a fairly long life. He made it to 70, and the last ten years of his life he beat the alcohol, cigars, and cigs. He was pretty darn healthy when the appendix got him. Or should I say doctors. He didn't have to go.


Saying a prayer for Diesel,Yellow, and Cin's close ones!



HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Bee

 

[Herbmountain]

Because it is too much damn work. That's what I hear allot. Who has the time to read books and study. Most will wake up when something bad happens. It is human nature. Don't worry yourself to death. I learned that one a long time ago.

Maybe you could buy your loved ones a book or two. Soner or later they will pick it up and little lights will go on in their head. Just provide the material. The rest is up to them.

 

[fruit loop]

Remember that they're adults.....

...and sometimes you have to let go. Nagging them just shuts doors.

For some illnesses, the alternative is equally unacceptable. Docs give you drugs that have side effects that cause just as many problems or worse, alter your personality.

Dieseltrooper, in your relative's defense...there's not much you can do about endometriosis except have a complete hysterectomy. Very little improves the condition, although sometimes birth controls help. If she has borderline hypertension she can't take The Pill. In her case, I'd keep drinking the Dr Peppers and enjoy life as much as I could.

 

[Dare7]

In defense of some of us who don't take "proper care" of ourselves - we're doing the best we can under the circumstances. I have family members who bitch practically non-stop about my apparent disregard for my health problems. I don't eat right, I don't go to the doctor as often as I should, I don't take my meds as prescribed, it's dangerously hot/cold in my house depending on the season, blah, blah, nag, nag. They're right. My diet IS wrong for my physical needs & restrictions, I only see the doctor during a crisis, I skimp/skip on doses of both short term & maintenance meds, my house is inadequately cooled/heated for even healthy folks...... HOWEVER, I fall through the cracks financially and they don't/won't get it. Bitching at me isn't going to change that fact of my life. I don't have enough money to afford to take proper care of myself but I have too much to qualify for any type of assistance -- believe me, I check every opportunity that comes down the pike. I mean, last year TPTB set up a program for middle income utility assistance in addition to the low income program. As bizarre as it sounds, I didn't qualify for either --- there was a gap between the gross income upper limit for the poverty program and the gross income lower limit for the middle income program -- I fell squarely in the center of that gap. Concerning my Rx & doctor visit failures, the "worriers" point out that I have insurance. Woo Hoo, ever heard of a co-pay???? So, until the "worrying" naggers put THEIR money where their mouths are, I wish they would just STFU!!

 

[fruit loop]

Thanks, Dare7

In addition to copays, there are the deductibles. Copays for scripts are ridiculous on my health plan.....and it won't pay for some drugs even if the doc says a particular drug is better than the one on their "approved" list.