Farts

[booger]

(I'm really hitting bottom tonight, aren't I? )

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent... stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

 

[Fartacus]

A man relunctantly puts his elderly father into the nursing home. He's really torn by the decision.

He goes to the nursing home, unannounced, and quietly observes how they treat his father when they don't know he's there.

He sees his dad sitting in a wheelchair.

His dad begins leaning to the left. A nurse comes and props him upright.

His dad begins leaning to the right. A nurse comes and props him upright.

That's enough for the son. He's relieved to see the kind attention his dad is getting.

He goes to his father and, thinking he will get a glowing response based on what he just saw, he says, "So dad, how are they treating you here?'

His dad says, "I hate it here. Every time I lift a cheek to fart, someone comes and pushes me back!"

 

[SageTheRage]

"Beans beans the musical fruit; the more you eat the more you toot; the more you toot the better you feel so eat your beans with every meal."