I make all kinds of candy and cookies at Christmas and a few years ago I wanted to make walnut divinity like my mom always made. It was beautiful, except a little sticky. I made it to take to a Christmas party and I lined a pretty box with foil and made beautiful hills of divinity. When we got to the party and the host and hostess opened it all the nice neat humps had oozed into each other and it was one giant ooey, gooey mess. Luckily we are really good friends and all had a good laugh over my box of ooze. It still tased divine!
What's the worst thing you've ever made?
- Thread starter MissTina
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Dinghy
Veteran Member
When I was first married, I had no idea how to cook. I could bake up a storm, but not much else. I tried making cole slaw, easy huh? Not for me!! It turned out real soupy and I didn't know what to do with it. Well, I got the bright idea to try something new. I drained it, added some egg, put it in a loaf pan and baked it. Talk about disgusting!!! Good thing for MacDonalds or my poor hubby would have starved to death!
Could be the biscuits and gravy I made a few years ago. I have no idea what happened but it tasted like an entire box of salt was dumped in. Wish I'd had a pic of everyone's faces as they took their first bites! 
Or could be the cheesy taters I made one year as part of a big Thanksgiving dinner. Again, no clue what happened but it was sooooo not cooked! Again, pics would have been nice.
It always happens when there are other people over for dinner, doesn't it? And you can see them trying to think of what to do. "Do I mention something?" Looking around at the other guests to see if anyone else has the same reaction. "Should I actually try to swallow this without gagging and vomiting all over the table?" etc, etc, etc. Lucky for them, my feelings are ijmpossible to hurt and I love to laugh at myself. I am also pretty good at reading those reactions on their faces so I'll take a quick taste and be the first to mention it, turning it into a big death scene, then quickly pass around a trash can for everyone to spit into.
Or could be the cheesy taters I made one year as part of a big Thanksgiving dinner. Again, no clue what happened but it was sooooo not cooked! Again, pics would have been nice.
It always happens when there are other people over for dinner, doesn't it? And you can see them trying to think of what to do. "Do I mention something?" Looking around at the other guests to see if anyone else has the same reaction. "Should I actually try to swallow this without gagging and vomiting all over the table?" etc, etc, etc. Lucky for them, my feelings are ijmpossible to hurt and I love to laugh at myself. I am also pretty good at reading those reactions on their faces so I'll take a quick taste and be the first to mention it, turning it into a big death scene, then quickly pass around a trash can for everyone to spit into.
booger said:Could be the biscuits and gravy I made a few years ago. I have no idea what happened but it tasted like an entire box of salt was dumped in. Wish I'd had a pic of everyone's faces as they took their first bites!
It always happens when there are other people over for dinner, doesn't it? And you can see them trying to think of what to do. "Do I mention something?" Looking around at the other guests to see if anyone else has the same reaction. "Should I actually try to swallow this without gagging and vomiting all over the table?" etc, etc, etc. Lucky for them, my feelings are ijmpossible to hurt and I love to laugh at myself. I am also pretty good at reading those reactions on their faces so I'll take a quick taste and be the first to mention it, turning it into a big death scene, then quickly pass around a trash can for everyone to spit into.
TOO TOO Funny! Thanks for the laughs.
I'm notorious for burning things, especially when pregnant. I had some potatoes scorch on the bottom, ever so slightly, and I thought I could get by with putting the "top" on the dinner table. My DH took one bite and headed for the trash can.
I've forgotten about all the burned food, he remembers every last one.
mzkitty
I give up.
As teenagers, my sister and I thought we'd make some fancy white cake that took all kinds of exotic ingredients. It turned out all lopsided and collapsed, so we gave it to Smokey (the dog). He loved it, but was laying on the floor for a day or two. Poor Smokey, he got blamed for everything.
Never Mind
Inactive
Ahh, yes....Newlyweds...First dinner party... 
Didn't know just how much I really COULD NOT cook yet...
"That's ok - I'll use my new cookbook"
Mmmmmm Standing Rib Roast
Smoke alarm went off
Hubby pulled battery
Hubby announced "Dinner's Ready"!
NM
Didn't know just how much I really COULD NOT cook yet...
"That's ok - I'll use my new cookbook"
Mmmmmm Standing Rib Roast
Smoke alarm went off
Hubby pulled battery
Hubby announced "Dinner's Ready"!
NM
occupant
Contributing Member
Ha, ha, Mz. Kitty! When WE were teenagers, RED, WHITE and BLUE, was all the rage. We decided to bake a r/w/b/ cake, from scratch, for my boyfriends' birthday. By the time we were done making the cake, it musta weighed 20 pounds ! 
At his party , everyone said they LOVED it, but no one really finished their piece, and everyones lips, teeth and tongues were a very peculiar shade of PURPLE !
We had good intentions, didn't we???
At his party , everyone said they LOVED it, but no one really finished their piece, and everyones lips, teeth and tongues were a very peculiar shade of PURPLE ! We had good intentions, didn't we???
mzkitty
I give up.
occupant said:Ha, ha, Mz. Kitty! When WE were teenagers, RED, WHITE and BLUE, was all the rage. We decided to bake a r/w/b/ cake, from scratch, for my boyfriends' birthday. By the time we were done making the cake, it musta weighed 20 pounds !
We had good intentions, didn't we???
Hahahahaha, did you tell 'em their teeth were purple?
Another story - my mom was a real good cook, and she worked, so she taught my father some cooking stuff and he would make dinner about half the time. One time he made salmon loaf. The recipe called for a couple of tablespoons of lemon juice. He put in a couple of tablespoons of Lemon Extract. I refused to eat it.
One other time, he went to pick my mother up from work and put a lid on the spaghetti at a simmer. I cannot tell you what a hideous mess that was when he got home. You don't wanna know, believe me. hahahahahaha.
On the other hand, he made wonderful pork roast and sauerkraut. There's tricks to that if anyone wants to know.
What a funny thread. I think everyone can relate.
When I was newly married, DH had a whole bunch of relatives come visit for dinner. I made many different east indian dishes, which I learned out of books mostly, and from his sister and a couple friends. I was also making Tandoori chicken, and it had been marinating for 24 hours. A couple hours earlier, I had gone outside and sprayed oven cleaner on the barbeque rack and left it to soak for a little while. I intended to come back and spray it off with the hose before putting the chicken on the barby. Well, DH thought he'd be helpful and started the briquets, and then put the rack back on, not noticing that it was all gooey with oven cleaner. On went ALL the chicken (2 whole chickens, cut up) and started cooking. When I asked him where the chicken was, he told me! I just about died, as that was the main dish. I asked him to go to KFC to buy a couple buckets of fried chicken and he did.
Boy was I embarrased.... the guests were so kind, though. They even said that my very soggy rice was "just like Kedgeree, very good." What a bunch of nice relatives those were. I miss them.
When I was newly married, DH had a whole bunch of relatives come visit for dinner. I made many different east indian dishes, which I learned out of books mostly, and from his sister and a couple friends. I was also making Tandoori chicken, and it had been marinating for 24 hours. A couple hours earlier, I had gone outside and sprayed oven cleaner on the barbeque rack and left it to soak for a little while. I intended to come back and spray it off with the hose before putting the chicken on the barby. Well, DH thought he'd be helpful and started the briquets, and then put the rack back on, not noticing that it was all gooey with oven cleaner. On went ALL the chicken (2 whole chickens, cut up) and started cooking. When I asked him where the chicken was, he told me! I just about died, as that was the main dish. I asked him to go to KFC to buy a couple buckets of fried chicken and he did.
Boy was I embarrased.... the guests were so kind, though. They even said that my very soggy rice was "just like Kedgeree, very good." What a bunch of nice relatives those were. I miss them.
About 4 years ago I wanted homemade peach ice cream. Made it and couldn't wait to taste it. It was horrible, re-read the recipe and I had left out something like 6 cups of sugar. We were taking it to a 4th of July party. Real quick I made a peach cake, the kind you make with jello, to take with it and labled the ice cream, "lite". I was carrying the cake and as I took the first step onto the garage stairs, as if in slow motion the cake slid out of my hands and landed upside down on the garage floor. I stood there for what seemed like forever thinking I was halicinating or something. I couldn't believe that just happened. Everyone liked the ice cream anyway and appreciated the "lite" ice cream to go along with all the other "rich" desserts.
Great stories.A cooking disaster of a different kind - when I was a teenager, my mother and I were clowning around as we were getting supper on the table. As I was mashing the potatoes, my mother would hold out her hand and say Can you kick this high? As I attempted to kick her hand I apparently had dropped a bit of the mashed taters on the floor. I had the pot in my hand, kicked and my other foot hit the potatoes on the floor. OMG, I flew up in the air, the potatoes went EVERYWHERE and I went down with a crash. Noone was hurt but it took forever to get that mess cleaned up. We laughed until we cried until Gram came in the kitchen.
We both held our heads in shame as we received our safety lecture. 
My girlfriend next door made a cake with a cup of salt instead of sugar. Ewww. They threw it out but their chickens got into it! I heard a couple of the chickens died.
Another girlfriend made fudge. We never knew what she did wrong but it hardened so hard that we couldn't even get the knife out of the pan. After soaking it for a couple of days, her mother finally threw out pan, knife and all.
occupant
Contributing Member
Great stories! How many new cooks KNOW that a clove of garlic, is NOT a whole head of garlic??
Mostacolli, for work Christmas party. Fartiest Christmas Eve ever ! They were SO polite. No one SAID a word. But(t) the "tail" told the "tale" well.
Another oldie, but goodie: I hosted a "Christmas Cookie Exchange" party one year. Each guest had to bring 12 dozen cookies to exchange and 2 extra dz. to pass around. One poor little newlywed, arrived late and frazzled. 14 dozen is alot of cookies ! She brought her Thumbprint cookies all nicely boxed, but still a wee bit warm. She used grape jelly to fill the thumbprint. Well WE know jelly and warm, do not mix. To her horror, when the sample boxes were opened, all we saw was a oooey, gooey, grapey mess. She cried, we sighed... I got out the paper towels and spoons and we ate those darned cookies all up to make her feel better!
ShepInTheValley
Deceased
Oh MAN I have laughed SO hard at these... thanks for the belly laughs!
Tundra Gypsy
Veteran Member
Many years ago before my teens, my twin sister helped with making some biscuits to go with our dinner. We all sat around gobbling the biscuits down with our simple dinner, then she announced the hamster had gotten out and was found in the box of bisquick. She said she pulled out all his poop before making the biscuits; ahhhhh gag, spit, sputter! It was soo disgusting; my mother sat at the end of the table and howled her head off at us youngsters gagging and spewing!
Tundra Gypsy said:Many years ago before my teens, my twin sister helped with making some biscuits to go with our dinner. We all sat around gobbling the biscuits down with our simple dinner, then she announced the hamster had gotten out and was found in the box of bisquick. She said she pulled out all his poop before making the biscuits; ahhhhh gag, spit, sputter! It was soo disgusting; my mother sat at the end of the table and howled her head off at us youngsters gagging and spewing!
OM Gosh I'm laughing my head off!!!!!
Gingergirl
Veteran Member
During a menopausal moment, I unknowingly picked up the ammonia instead of the vinegar to improve the BBQ sauce the chops were cooking in. From the odor, I knew immediately what I'd done.
We ate out that night.
From the odor, I knew immediately what I'd done.We ate out that night.
These are all great! Well I have messed up plenty of times and usually when guests are here, but one flop from the childhood is cute..My mom asked me to help her make potato salad..She said for me to put the eggs in with the potatoes to boil. I had never made potato salad, so I did not know that the eggs were supposed to be hard boiled. I cracked the eggs in the water that the potatoes were boiling in. Of course she was upset when she came back in the kitchen and saw the strands of all the eggs floating around in the boiling water. We both laughed!
Gingergirl said:During a menopausal moment, I unknowingly picked up the ammonia instead of the vinegar to improve the BBQ sauce the chops were cooking in.
We ate out that night.
Hummmmmm I should try that sometime in order to get to eat out!
Want to know how to get your insurance to pay for cleaning your house? My sister went off and left a chicken on the stove boiling. It caught fire and smoke filled the house. She came home to find the fire dept about to break in a window. Said she even had chicken for lunch and it didn't remind her that she had left a chicken on the stove. She said a cleaning company came in and cleaned everything with a toothbrush!
Please keep in mind that this was a long time ago, when I was struggling to feed my children alone, on a minimum wage salary.
According to my children, who consider me an excellent cook, the most horrible thing I have ever made is hot dog stew.
Stew was a common meal, especially because I could put it in the crock pot in the morning, and come home to a hot meal. My normal recipe is a tomato-based stew with beef and veggies. One time, there was no beef in the fridge, only a few hot dogs, and payday was far away. So I made the regular stew, and added the sliced up hot dogs instead of beef.
When we got home, we all expected the usual wonderful smell of a slow cooked stew. The aroma of slow cooked hot dogs is not quite the same as slow cooked beef
When I opened the lid of the crock pot, the red-ringed hot dog slices were floating in the red tomato based broth - and look was...well...
But we are all hungry, so I convinced them to at least try it - but it was just too terrible. We had peanut butter sandwiches for dinner that night, and the dog had hot dog stew for several days.
According to my children, who consider me an excellent cook, the most horrible thing I have ever made is hot dog stew.
Stew was a common meal, especially because I could put it in the crock pot in the morning, and come home to a hot meal. My normal recipe is a tomato-based stew with beef and veggies. One time, there was no beef in the fridge, only a few hot dogs, and payday was far away. So I made the regular stew, and added the sliced up hot dogs instead of beef.
When we got home, we all expected the usual wonderful smell of a slow cooked stew. The aroma of slow cooked hot dogs is not quite the same as slow cooked beef
When I opened the lid of the crock pot, the red-ringed hot dog slices were floating in the red tomato based broth - and look was...well... But we are all hungry, so I convinced them to at least try it - but it was just too terrible. We had peanut butter sandwiches for dinner that night, and the dog had hot dog stew for several days.
piggyandpeewee
Membership Revoked
I received a call from the pastor's wife to help her out by preparing and delivering
the same night to a couple who had just brought home their second baby.
In my experience a sure way to have a fiasco in the kitchen is to try to be too fancy with too little time to prepare. And so it was for my usually delicious cashew chicken salad.
I made the mistake of starting the fresh pineapple serving "boat" before poaching and cooling the chicken. After carving the pineapple serving bowl I became obsessed with washing, slicing and arranging fruit on the platter.
A glance at the clock told me I was running late, so I started
the chicken and finished garnishing the platter with leaf lettuce, pineapple chunks, apple slices, strawberries et al. As soon as the chicken was done I threw it in the fridge to cool.
When I realized it was time to "book" I diced the chicken, mixed in the seedless grapes, radish slices, celery and mayo
and without thinking threw the can of cashews in the bowl and folded it all together.
By the time I arrived with the piece d'resistance I noticed that something didn't look right and while the young mother went to find her camera, I snuck a bite of the chicken salad and it was AWFUL! Somehow the combination of the not-quite-cooled meat, the refrigerated mayo and the starch from the cashews had congealed the chicken salad into a pasty gloppy
mess. (I usually sprinkled the nuts on just before serving.
After the new mama had taken the Polaroid snapshot of my tempting creation, I confessed to her that there was a problem with the chicken salad. She thought I was being coy or fishing for a compliment, but when she tasted it, she made a face I'll never forget.
She was gracious and told me how much her and her husband loved FRUIT salad and thanked me for bringing dinner on such short notice. In the weeks to come I did get a weird look from the woman's husband and the pastor's wife never called for my help again.
the same night to a couple who had just brought home their second baby.
In my experience a sure way to have a fiasco in the kitchen is to try to be too fancy with too little time to prepare. And so it was for my usually delicious cashew chicken salad.
I made the mistake of starting the fresh pineapple serving "boat" before poaching and cooling the chicken. After carving the pineapple serving bowl I became obsessed with washing, slicing and arranging fruit on the platter.
A glance at the clock told me I was running late, so I started
the chicken and finished garnishing the platter with leaf lettuce, pineapple chunks, apple slices, strawberries et al. As soon as the chicken was done I threw it in the fridge to cool.
When I realized it was time to "book" I diced the chicken, mixed in the seedless grapes, radish slices, celery and mayo
and without thinking threw the can of cashews in the bowl and folded it all together.
By the time I arrived with the piece d'resistance I noticed that something didn't look right and while the young mother went to find her camera, I snuck a bite of the chicken salad and it was AWFUL! Somehow the combination of the not-quite-cooled meat, the refrigerated mayo and the starch from the cashews had congealed the chicken salad into a pasty gloppy
mess. (I usually sprinkled the nuts on just before serving.
After the new mama had taken the Polaroid snapshot of my tempting creation, I confessed to her that there was a problem with the chicken salad. She thought I was being coy or fishing for a compliment, but when she tasted it, she made a face I'll never forget.
She was gracious and told me how much her and her husband loved FRUIT salad and thanked me for bringing dinner on such short notice. In the weeks to come I did get a weird look from the woman's husband and the pastor's wife never called for my help again.
cin
Inactive
I once made this wild-rice combo and added feta cheese to it while it was still cooking, YUKK, it was gross. What's worse is that I had a friend over for dinner who always raves about my cooking, and he lied and said that it was great LOL. :blush: I should have married that guy.
Also, I was once expecting company over for dinner, family and friends, and ruined an entire pot of spicy tomato sauce with artichoke hearts, by adding a few too many pinches of sugar. Of course they were kind to my face. I wonder what the conversations were like on their way home. :blush:
Also, I was once expecting company over for dinner, family and friends, and ruined an entire pot of spicy tomato sauce with artichoke hearts, by adding a few too many pinches of sugar. Of course they were kind to my face. I wonder what the conversations were like on their way home. :blush: