15 Easy Steps to Poo Like a Man

B

booger

Inactive
15 Easy Steps to Poo Like a Man

1. Select reading material.

2. Tell everyone along the way, "Just going for a dump, okay?" Always tell
girlfriend/wife, especially when she has visitors.

3. Pull pants and trousers around ankles, then sit down.

4. Adjust penis and testicles to hang comfortably without touching the toilet rim.

5. Open reading material and relax.

6. Whilst waiting, it is traditional to audibly fart.

7. Sigh loudly as the first one bullets out. It is quite normal to experience a cold jet
of water rocket up your anus as a result of the first bomb. This is to be endured
if you want to be a real man.

8. Remain sitting and reading until pins-and-needles set in to your legs and buttocks.

9. Rise and look at the poo. Make mental notes of irregularities to report to friends
and girlfriend/wife, e.g. color, consistency, any visible traces of peanuts etc. You
must tell people about it.

10. Take long length of paper and wipe anus. You must look at the paper before
throwing it into the pan.

11. Repeat step 10 until there is no longer any evidence of faeces on the paper.

12. Flush. If there is any residue left on the pan, under no circumstances attempt to
clean it off. In due course, it will come away by itself. Or, when your girlfriend/wife
next uses the loo.

13. Leave the seat up. Leave the reading material on the floor (you can use it again
later).

14. Wash your hands once.

15. Vacate the bathroom, leaving the door open. It is important to a man's self-esteem
that other people smell his produce.
 
Libertarian

Libertarian

Deceased
"14. Wash your hands once."

Actually that is "wiggle your fingers under running water and wipe dry on towel or trousers or curtains."
 
Last edited:
Avatar

Avatar

Human test subject #58652
How men shower

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror-make mental note-must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red .
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again. (the wife loves that)
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top