[GOVT] If Kerry is elected....the future of Texas

[rodeorector]

Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union (please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848).

We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action if Kerry wins president over Bush. We'll miss you too.

Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our their hands.

Here is our solution:

#1: Let John Kerry become President of the United States. (all 49 states.)

#2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas.

So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. (we will control the space industry.)

2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

3. Defense Industry. (we have over 65% of it) The term "Don't mess with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning.

4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm....

6. Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, etc. The list goes on and on.

7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.

8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: UT.,Uof H, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the south anyway.

9. We have a ready supply of workers. (just open the border when we need some more).

10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

12. We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables and let's not forget seafood from the Gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.

This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry:

Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.

You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes but since Mr. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.

Signed, The People in Texas

 

[WFK]

 

[epaul]

Well, tell ya what. This part of oklahoma used to be Texas (old greer county texas). If you all secede, we want to go with ya. OK?

epaul

 

[Fartacus]

Two good ol' boys in Texas bought a couple of horses that
they used to make some money during the summer.


But when winter came, they found it cost too
much to board them. So they turned the horses
loose in a pasture where there was plenty to
eat. 'How will we tell yours from mine when we
pick them up?' one of them asked the other.
'Easy,' replied the other. 'We'll cut the
mane off mine and the tail off yours.'


By spring, the mane and tail had grown back
to normal length.
'Now what are we going to do?' asked the
first.
'Why don't you just take the black one?' said
the second. 'And I'll take the white one.'

 

[Fartacus]

Good Advice if You're Moving to Texas

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Don't buy food at this store.

If you do settle in Texas and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Texans. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call'em biscuits!

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.

Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Texans can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive pick-up equipped with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

You can ask Texans for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

Remember: "Y'all is singular." "All y'all is plural." All y'all's is plural possessive."

Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you, either.

The first Texas expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol," as in "big ol truck," or "big ol boy."

As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55-mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Texans learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

If you hear a Texan exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear.

Most Texans do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Texas license plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was purchased.

If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

The wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until December.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is just something you're supposed to do.

Satellite dishes are very popular in Texas. When you purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house, and should, therefore, be prominently displayed.

Be advised that in Texas, "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.

http://www.texasrebelradio.com/texas_jokes.htm

 

[Satanta]

Well...kinda sounds ok but have you actually walked down the street lately? We'd have to toss a major chunk of the population back across either borfer and then all these companies will just shit down and move elsewhere.

I know plenty of folks that will vote for Bush but if Kerry wins they will go and go back to watching TeeVee and since TeeVee comes from Kali we'll lose the programming and THEN they'll be upset.

I could come up with more problems but I gotta go get another rifle-I'm one short but I have TWO shotguns.

 

[DocVan]

We'd be on our way, also. "Don't Mess With Texas," applies here.

DocVan

 

[A.T.Hagan]

<b>Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union (please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848).</b>

The issue of your right to secede was settled in 1865 along with the rest of us Southern states.

You got Johnson Space Center, we got Cape Canaveral. Send one of your boys over with a bottle of tequila and we'll talk about it. We'll supply the salt and the limes.

.....Alan.

 

[RC]

I suspect it might wind up playing out slightly differently from the way you see it. I doubt that the Republic of Texas will secede from the Union--it's more likely that other states will secede, and Texas will become the successor state to the USA.

I think it is fairly plausible that Bush will win the election, which will result in claims that he stole the election. (Ironically, today the conspiracy theorists say that he will try to steal the election by delaying it. It is more likely that there will be a terrorist attack on election day, the powers that be will refuse to delay the election in affected areas, and the conspiracy theorists will then argue that the stole the election by refusing to delay it.)

In any event, after Bush "steals" the election, pro-Kerry factions in various states will refuse to accept the election results, and refuse to accept federal authority. Other parts of the Union (of which Texas could very well constitute a majority of the population) would continue to recognize federal authority. Eventually, to avoid confusion, the non-seceding states would adopt the name "Republic of Texas," since the seceeding states would continue to refer to themselves as the "United States of America."

Fortunately, this will probably be relatively bloodless, at least at first, while the new rebel Federal government hands out initial largesse to keep dissent to a minimum. Therefore, even after rebel forces take over the state, I figure I'll probably have time to sell the house (perhaps to misguided refugees from Texas), pack up, and move to the Republic.

 

[rodeorector]

Satanta, you've become so reflective since your surgery .

I do understand your need to buy another gun. The voices keep telling me to clean my guns.

 

[dharma]

If you go, I think all of Oklahoma will want to go with you. Please note, however, that this will not prevent OU from beating the socks off Texas at football every year. Yeah, a Kerry victory would be a catastrophe, but some things are really important.

 

[Caplock50]

Texican!! and mighty proud of it! Wish I could a'holt of a "Burnett" flag. I'd be flying it instead of what I do got. A single, large, gold star on a field of blue. Lets secede now. I'm more'n ready. Even back when the states liked them, the world court said Texas was annex'ed illegally.

 

[Satanta]

Fartacus,,,missed a couple.

There are two temps in Texas-Hot and hotter-n-hell.

There are two seasons-green and brown. Green lasts between a week and maybe five weeks [[durng the ten year flood of drizzlw]] the rest of the year is brown season.

Summer dress is jeans and boots and a t-shirt. Winter dress is jeans, boots and a T-shirt. Different colored shirts is ok.

Carry your own spit cup into chuch. Your ol' lady carries her own. No spittin on the floor unless you see sawdust.

A stump-broke mule is your best freind on the range.

Using dtnamite and gasoline to rd your lawn of fire ants is acceptable.

Don't try to saddle the red ants. Yes they are big as ponies but they have an attitude oriblem-shoot them. Reccomended calibre is at least a .30-30.

Don't ask for a 'soda' or a 'cola' or a pepsi'....ask for 'coke' and don't try to snort it or you'll burn yer sinuses and prolly drown.

Taco Bell aint really Mexican food any more than McDonald's is real meat.


I'm sure there's more but you can'y yeach a yankee everything in a month of Sunday's.

 

[gdpetti]

Sounds good....let Texas leave...then we can accuse them of harboring terrorists and WMD's and invade them without warning and seize all those "assets" for free...the govt. is good at doing that...

 

[Satanta]

Sounds good....let Texas leave...then we can accuse them of harboring terrorists and WMD's and invade them without warning and seize all those "assets" for free...the govt. is good at doing that...

Why come on down! I'll start the fiddler playin an you can LEAD.

 

[Contrasaur]

Well, darn. I guess I better get in on this.

Seceding from the U.S.A. sounded pretty good til I heard them Okies wanted to join up. Next thang you know, the swamp people will too. Now, the New Mexico folks won't want to join up but are sure to charge extra to Texans entering their land. So I suggest we let the Okies join after they pay a initiation fee and we use that money to buy New Mexico. Hell, we payed for most of the hotels, ski resorts and roads anyway. But those crazy cajuns can keep to themselves. I can barely tolerate East Texans much less swamp people.

 

[Delta]

I'm all for you guys--even if I do think of Texas as South America.

I also understand that you have (or once had) the right to divide into five states. Think what those additional 8 votes in the senate could accomplish!!!

You might be more helpful if you stayed in the US but divided.

 

[ZePPo]

I'd like to see an official poll on this here in Texas. I'm willing to bet that if we voted on it we'd be out within the year.

 

[rodeorector]

Zeppo..............I concur!

Contrasaur, can we keep that good Cajun food without taking in the coonasses? I mean, would it be right?

 

[thunderlight]

If you go, I think all of Oklahoma will want to go with you. Please note, however, that this will not prevent OU from beating the socks off Texas at football every year. Yeah, a Kerry victory would be a catastrophe, but some things are really important.

And you're proud of being able to beat a bunch of TeaSip's from that girl's finishing school in Austin?

Now isn't THAT special?


ThunderLight

 

[dharma]

And you're proud of being able to beat a bunch of TeaSip's from that girl's finishing school in Austin?

Whoa, that's kind of harsh, but you have a point—about Texas.

But then, we generally beat everybody else, too.

 

[Snipe Hunter]

rodeorector says............

There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.


LMAO ........since I have kin-folk down yer way ROTFLMAO.......there IS one thing ya all need everyday that as yer population gets bigger you have less of & that is potable drinkable......


WATER

Now seeing as how I am surrounded by

WATER

I am sure we can come to suitable price fer my

WATER

when you all come up short

 

[rodeorector]

In your dreams

 

[Ought Six]

Mexico is rapidly reclaiming Texas (and California, and Arizona, etc.), so soon it will not much matter what the minority of 'real Texans' think.

 

[thunderlight]

Whoa, that's kind of harsh, but you have a point—about Texas.

But then, we generally beat everybody else, too.

Sorry ... like a lot of other colleges, t.u. still 'plays' football. All ya'll come on down to Kyle Field in College Station and watch a REAL football campaign ....



Thunderlight

 

[JWP]

You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off your communications.

I feel sorry for whoever wrote this...

 

[bw]

Texas might be big, but Louisiana has waaaay more character.

bw

 

[dharma]

Thunderlight: November 6th, a REAL football campaign will roll into town.

 

[thunderlight]

Thunderlight: November 6th, a REAL football campaign will roll into town.

Ohh cool! Maybe something actually worth watching for a change ....

ThunderLight

 

[bartp40]

It started with this.....

 

[Opus Dei]

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard.

AND the Texas State Guard, and State Air Guard-not just the NG/ANG. We even had our own Navy when a sovereign Republic.

Well, tell ya what. This part of oklahoma used to be Texas (old greer county texas). If you all secede, we want to go with ya. OK?

Cool. Unlike some, I like Okies. Good people. We also need to take our half of New Mexico and Colorado, as well as portions of Kansas and Wyoming while we're at it.

Please note, however, that this will not prevent OU from beating the socks off Texas at football every year.

OU is actually pretty successful at recruiting from Texas schools.

.......there IS one thing ya all need everyday that as yer population gets bigger you have less of & that is potable drinkable......

We're self-sufficient in water-it's just unequally distributed relative to population centers. There is always desalination.

Texas might be big, but Louisiana has waaaay more character.

I somewhat agree. There's a different spirit in Louisiana-that "laissez le bon temps rouler" attitude.

 

[bartp40]

It may end with this.....

 

[Contrasaur]

Zeppo..............I concur!

Contrasaur, can we keep that good Cajun food without taking in the coonasses? I mean, would it be right?

Well, dern rodeorector, you present a dog gone ethical de-lem-a. Its not that I dislike those folks. Its just they be different, don't you know. Can't hardly understand em. Used to fish on the gulf out of Freeport and wood wile away the dog days talk'n to the shrimpers. We-ed meet up later on the docks for some music, beer and boiled sea critters. They be alright but they aint Texans. Nope.

Trade with em I guess. Allies. Wood thet be alright?

 

[milkydoo]

Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union (please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848).

I'm all for secession but........

Here is our solution:

#2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas.

If Texas seceeded from the Union, and in all of their infinite wisdom, chose ol' GW to lead them......good GOD. What can I say to that? Is he really the prime pick for you guys? Do you really love him that much? Tell me again how you define conservative? You'd be bankrupt within the hour.

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

Is this a joke? "We have this, we have that. We've got guns. Blah blah blah blah." Who gives a crap what you *think* you have! What the hell have you DONE lately?

You've been housing a Mexican invasion force for decades but, "We've got the Guard if we need 'em!" You've got more guns probably than any state in the country but you've yet to use any of them to restore your state's rights and freedom for your own people!

Yeah, I lived in Texas for awhile. Same ol' drunks you find elsewhere, just a different brand o' booze.

 

[hobo]

Is this a joke? "We have this, we have that. We've got guns. Blah blah blah blah." Who gives a crap what you *think* you have! What the hell have you DONE lately?

You've been housing a Mexican invasion force for decades but, "We've got the Guard if we need 'em!" You've got more guns probably than any state in the country but you've yet to use any of them to restore your state's rights and freedom for your own people!

Yeah, I lived in Texas for awhile. Same ol' drunks you find elsewhere, just a different brand o' booze.

lmao milkydoo - thx I needed that. TXpride ain't a good thing.

 

[GILTRIC]

I'm all for secession but........

If Texas seceeded from the Union, and in all of their infinite wisdom, chose ol' GW to lead them......good GOD. What can I say to that? Is he really the prime pick for you guys? Do you really love him that much? Tell me again how you define conservative? You'd be bankrupt within the hour.

Is this a joke? "We have this, we have that. We've got guns. Blah blah blah blah." Who gives a crap what you *think* you have! What the hell have you DONE lately?

You've been housing a Mexican invasion force for decades but, "We've got the Guard if we need 'em!" You've got more guns probably than any state in the country but you've yet to use any of them to restore your state's rights and freedom for your own people!

Yeah, I lived in Texas for awhile. Same ol' drunks you find elsewhere, just a different brand o' booze.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAHHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA


I guess that means Texas tough talk is ..."All hat and no cattle".